Time to run a want ad. The workload of feeling sorry for myself has grown to be too much for one person…..
HELP WANTED. Someone to pity me 24/7. Have been trying to do self-pity but finding it overwhelming. Pays poorly and working conditions are pathetic.
I spent today lying about. It was not a few good days. Ohio State lost. Then my childhood team, the Cleveland Browns, blew a game because apparently the coaching staff does like their quarterback who, as far as I can tell, has done nothing wrong other than having a famous and outspoken father.
Then the Bengals blew up in the space of a few moments on a windswept, snow-covered field in Orchard Park, NY. If that wasn’t enough the Philadelphia Eagles defined “awful” in new and unique ways on Monday night.
Oh, and my wife is in memory care, Donald Trump is in what’s left of the White House, I am old and it’s effing 20 degrees outside. And construction workers are raising hell outside my apartment door. I was told this morning they may well be here until May.
Hence, the want ad. It is getting to the point that I can’t handle the workload of self-pity by myself anymore. I either need to find someone to help with it or I have to give it up.
I’ve thought about that last option. I actually sat down with Buddha in as much quiet as the work crew outside can give me and meditated on it.
What I came up with was really quite simple and should have been obvious all along.
I have a roof over my head. Too many don’t. I food in the fridge and pantry. Too many do not. I am on Medicare so have reasonable healthcare I can afford. Too many don’t. It’s cold but I have several coats and too many don’t have one. I should give a couple away. My children and grandchildren are in good places. I know too many families where that is not the case. Even though I am an old man, other than some aches and pains I remain in good health. So many cannot say that.
Because I have decided I will not do certain things, like travel so long as my wife’s dementia allows her to know who I am my life is limited but it is limited by choice. That’s not the case for far too many today.
When I got up from my meditation and looked at the Buddha sitting on his table he sent a “told you so” look back at me. I told him I got the message, but I was still going to let the ad run for a while. Just in case.
Rich Heiland is a retired journalist and semi-retired consultant, trainer and public speaker. During his journalism career he was a reporter, editor, publisher, college instructor, part of a Pulitzer Prize-winning team and a National Newspaper Association Columnist of the Year honoree. He also writes the intodementia.com blog about his family’s experience with dementia. He lives in West Chester, PA and can be reached at [email protected].
So very true my friend. So many focus on what’s missing and not what they have. Among other things, I’m grateful that you and Connie came along to enrich my life. And I’m grateful to our respective clients for the enrichment they’ve extended to us. Yes, we’ve our challenges. You with a loved one with dementia, I with a mentally unstable child. But damn we’re blessed. The challenges we’ve faced have made us better humans, a blessing in and of itself.
Great writing, my friend! See you soon.