More on things I’m noticing in old age, or older age, or whatever this is….this time, cleaning things out.
3rd of a Few Parts
I’VE BEEN NOTICING lately that “stuff” just doesn’t seem to matter as much now that the years are falling away and somewhere out there is the mortal finish line.
When it comes to “stuff” my mind keeps wandering back to the late George Carlin’s riff on “stuff.” He has a lot of quotes about stuff. One I like is “Trying to be happy by accumulating possessions is like trying to satisfy hunger by taping sandwiches all over your body.”
Not that I haven’t done that. My wife and I accumulated a lot of stuff over the course of our marriage. We always had a house big enough to hold it, particularly after the kids were grown and gone and we could use the space they used to take up for more stuff.
We made stabs at getting rid of stuff. When we moved back to Texas after 11 years in Vermont we got rid of stuff. The people who bought our Vermont house were going to be weekenders and we negotiated leaving some furniture. Of course, when we got to Texas and our new house we bought some furniture and over the 16 years we lived there we filled the attic and every closet with stuff. Some of it we actually recognized. Some of it we’d pull out and use, maybe once or twice.
When we decided to move to Pennsylvania to be near our son as we moved to our end times, we opted to pass on a house and rent an apartment. So, big downsize. We got rid of a house. We realized, as you will someday, that our kids had zero interest in most of what we had. So, we hired a woman to come in and do an estate sale even though we weren’t dead.
We had a mover come and take what we’d need in a two-bedroom apartment, handed the key to the estate sale lady and left town. Got a check a few weeks later.
Fast forward. Dementia crept up on Connie and she ended up in a memory care unit and suddenly a two-bedroom apartment seemed too big. So, I moved into a one-bedroom unit in the same complex. I shredded tons of documents, got rid of a big filing cabinet. Got rid of Connie’s computer desk. Some furniture went with her to the memory care unit.
But I did some serious downsizing. Or so I thought. The other day I looked around and asked myself “what is all this stuff?” although I used another word starting with “S.”
MAYBE THIS IS all just a part of aging, this looking about and wondering why the heck you still have so much stuff. The other day someone asked me if I missed a house, if it was tough moving into such a small place. “Nah,” I said. “I have a big screen TV, a recliner and indoor plumbing. What else do you need.”
I have a bit more than that, mainly a bed and kitchen in terms of need. So, I set about getting rid of stuff again. I had this image in my head of my kids walking in after I had gone ashes to ashes, dust to dust, looking at each other and saying “where do we begin?”
I got rid of about a third of all the stuff I had in the bathroom. I have paused to regroup, but closets are next. I have one big clothes closet and a junk closet. They are both full. I live in sweats at the apartment, maybe need a couple of pairs of shorts and enough stuff for when I go on a business trip. Seems to me a lot of clothes can go. My junk closet, likewise, has stuff I just move around but never really use.
A few years ago, I adopted the mantra “travel light” for real travel and for what I carry in my brain. I’m thinking it’s time to extend that to stuff. I don’t need much to live on or with at this point of my life so it’s time to get down to those things.
You are welcome, kids. You are welcome. Always thinking of you. Take what you want, donate what’s useable and toss the rest. I hope when the time comes, you don’t spend more than a few hours on what I’ve left behind.
Rich Heiland is a retired journalist and semi-retired consultant, trainer and public speaker. During his journalism career he was a reporter, editor, publisher, college instructor, part of a Pulitzer Prize-winning team and a National Newspaper Association Columnist of the Year honoree. He also writes the intodementia.com blog about his family’s experience with dementia. He lives in West Chester, PA and can be reached at [email protected].