SOMETIMES YOU JUST gotta throw in the towel.
I had been planning to take off next week for a big two- or three-week road trip, a kind of break out after three years of being a dementia caregiver to my late wife. I wanted to see friends and the countryside.
Then, Mother Nature showed up and smacked me upside the head. At first I thought I was coming down with the worst round of hay fever I’d ever seen. Non-stop coughing, sleepless nights. Then last evening I felt overly warm and so took my temperature and damn, figured out that while I probably was dealing with hay fever I had one hell of a Spring cold on top of it.
I figured it was not the right time to head out on a road trip – sneezing, coughing, numbed up on Allegra, nasal sprays, cough syrup. So, cancelled those plans. I decided to just stay in the apartment and be miserable until it all passes.
I was disappointed but then I wasn’t. After all, it’s not like I am on the clock. With Connie gone and the sudden change to truly living alone I don’t really have deadlines, other than ones I want to impose.
I have hired a lawyer to take the estate through probate. It’s not complicated and I probably could have done it but I don’t want to. Still, I have to get some ducks in a row for the lawyer. Beyond that I don’t have to do much other than sit back and start to figure out what I do with this new life.
I think the three years of being a caregiver built into me a sort of lethargy. When you don’t know what’s going to happen next making plans becomes a frustrating exercise. Now, though, I can plan. But maybe not yet.
Maybe what Mother Nature, with the double whammy of a pollen assault and the common cold is telling to just chill. Sit back. Don’t do much of anything. Think about what you want to do and most important maybe, what you don’t want to do.
So, here I sit. I am sweating, coughing, probably going to go back to bed then get up and go back to putting together photo albums. At some point I will take a deep breath and look at volunteer opportunities around town, trips I want to take, friends I want to see when the pollen, coughs, aches take leave of me and let me go on my way.
Maybe these few days of physical misery are what I needed to just set my rear down and give time some room to work.
Rich Heiland is a retired journalist and semi-retired consultant, trainer and public speaker. During his journalism career he was a reporter, editor, publisher, college instructor, part of a Pulitzer Prize-winning team and a National Newspaper Association Columnist of the Year honoree. He lives in West Chester, PA and can be reached at [email protected].