Instead of “bad news,” try looking at it this way….

                  I WAS WATCHING a TV show with my wife the other night and something caught my ear.

                  It was a home improvement show and the project manager was greeting the contractor in a torn-up house. He must have had a sad look on his face.

                  “Uh, oh,” the contractor said. “You’re about to give me bad news.”

                  The project manager paused for a minute and said “I wouldn’t call it ‘bad news.’ Let’s call it a ‘solutions opportunity.’”

                  I had to chuckle. Once upon a time one of my consulting programs was called “SolutionsMap” and I had to admit to myself I’ve fallen into the habit of looking at events more as “good” and “bad” rather than solutions and opportunities.

                  I’ve always believed words have power and how you define something generally defines how you will react to it. If something bad looms, think about what your initial reaction is. Is it disappointment, fear, a feeling all is lost? Honesty here. It often is for me.

                  But I know, from experience, that some of my best performances, some of my best accomplishments have come from moments that could be called “bad,” or at least, challenging.

                  I’m not going all Pollyanna here. Sometimes bad is bad and sometimes you can’t overcome it. If it’s not fatal the best you can do is get past it, somehow set it aside. It might leave scars.

                  But the more I thought about what that project manager told his boss, the more I thought about how I’ve been reacting to some events in my life.

                  I’ve had a lot of “bad news” in the last year – my wife’s diagnosis with dementia and losing her to a memory care facility, learning how to live alone, dealing with a bad back and a bad knee and life’s other more mundane challenges hasn’t been easy. 

                  When I look back objectively, I can find precious moments. Sitting with my wife in the evening, in her memory care unit, watching TV and talking just as we did in our apartment; taking her on walks; working on a puzzle; spending time with friends. Our lives are not what they were, but sometimes I can let that cloud the good that’s left in what our lives are. 

                  So, I’m going to try as much as I can to see not “bad news” but “solutions opportunities.”

                  Rich Heiland is a retired journalist and semi-retired consultant, trainer and public speaker. During his journalism career he was a reporter, editor, publisher, college instructor, part of a Pulitzer Prize-winning team and a National Newspaper Association Columnist of the Year honoree. He also writes the intodementia.com blog about his wife’s dementia. He lives in West Chester, PA and can be reached at [email protected].